Roots and Wings

Why do I not want to do it?

I want to know French, I want to edit videos, and I want to know more about history. So why do I not want to learn French, learn editing videos, and learn more about history? Why do I not want to take the time to sit down and learn about all of this stuff and practice my French and practice editing everything I can get my hands on? I don't understand. I guess I just want to know how to speak French, edit videos, and know everything about history. But is there one thing that I love learning about and doing so much that I would could just do it all the time? That could be my career? I want something that makes my heart and head ache when I can't do it. I want to want to do it all the time. I thought it could be something with technology but now I feel like I don't have anything to blog about or to look at on the web. But I do know that I over think these kinds of things all the time and just because I'm not into blogging for a couple days doesn't mean I won't get right back into it when I start up again (as I am right now). And just because I'm not into learning French at the moment doesn't mean I don't want to study languages and cultures when I "grow up" (that's such an odd phrase... I mean when I'm older and have a major in a 4 year college and am thinking about jobs or grad schools... that's what when I grow up means). I know I shouldn't think everything has to be FUN all the time and I want to have fun doing things all the time but the thing I choose to do for a job or career (meaning I think I would do it for awhile, but that totally doesn't mean I have to do it for the REST OF MY LIFE or anything) has to be something like energizes me and gives me new ideas and is a creative outlet. Hmm I was just going strong but now I'm dead. I think I need sleep. Sleep is good. Especially right now when I can't even remember what I wanted to say in this post. I think it flows well enough.

posted by Cassie @ 11:07:00 PM