Roots and Wings

Passover!

Happy Passover!! I really need to go to sleep since I have my second yoga class tomorrow at 10AM, but I just wanted to say that I'm so totally not religious (ha, those couple words definitely made me sound like a 16 year old girl, which yeah, I know, I am) but I love most of the Jewish holidays my family and I celebrate. I treat these holidays as times to get together with friends and relatives and eat good food and sing songs and light candles. I have never treated these gatherings as religious things... I don't WANT to treat them as this since I'm yes, so totally not religious. I think I'd say I'm agnostic with Jewish and Christian background... hmmm I don't know about what I'd say. I don't really like reading and singing/talking about God with any religion but I think of many of these songs as just part of my tradition. But I don't know. I really don't want to go through the motions and think that's okay. Because I don't think that IS okay. I want to actually think about what I'm doing and saying and singing and I want to believe in what I'm saying and doing and thinking because it doesn't really feel like lying necessarily but it doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right to me somehow. But I really do love all of these family gatherings and I think that's what I've always thought of when I think of what I do with my religion. Also, going off on another topic, I. ugh. wait, I totally forgot what I was going to say... hmmm well then. I hope this post is readable and makes some sense. I think I should go to sleep! This is my first week of my second spring quarter at Foothill. It was weird, yesterday in my French 3 class I noticed that there are three people from my French 1 class that I took last fall quarter and I sort of got a jolt of memories of fall quarter and how yeah, I know it wasn't THAT long ago, but I feel like I've changed and grown a whole lot. Not just in French, but in my whole life. I definitely FEEL more grown up and like I have some more knowledge of things.. maybe not necessarily everything from all my classes, but real life knowledge. It was a weird time to reflect, in my first French 3 class, but it did make sense that I would be thinking about it since it's the beginning of the quarter and I was sitting in class with these people I hadn't been with since fall. It's interesting to see when I reflect. I can't just SIT down and okay, think to myself I have to reflect on my year. I don't really reflect on December 31st about the previous year... it happens at weird times. No, wait I take that back. I do reflect when a new year is coming but I intentionally think about it. But it's weird and interesting to see when I just maybe see a face I haven't seen in awhile or think about a thought I haven't thought about in a long time and I'll suddenly remember how I felt however long ago and how I feel right in the moment, and how sometimes those feelings are very similar or sometimes extremely different. I guess this goes with when sometimes NOTHING is going right and it feels like I can't do anything correctly or I'm not understanding anything a teacher's saying.. I need to remember that "this too shall pass" or something like that and that yeah, I really did somehow get through that hard part.. since yeah.. I'm still here today and I'm in the next math class or whatever. But I definitely know that it's hard to think like that (logically) when I'm thinking the sky's falling and EVERYTHING possible is going wrong and I can't do anything about it. I need to remember about everything else I've done and gotten through.

Yes, okay. Now I need to sleep, I'll think more tomorrow. I hope my yoga class is nice and relaxing...

posted by Cassie @ 12:11:00 AM